of lies and dirty secrets.

coming back spells another beginning. it always does, for me at least.
it was nice seeing familar faces in the airport welcoming me back. now, thats what home truly feels like. i thank all the girls and J for being there to pick me up. its really important to me that someone picks me up.. :)

anyway, stepping back home i felt a lil unfamilar though. it was strange coming back to a place i called home after being away for 2 months, doing my own laundgry, settling my own meals and having someone as awesome as Kristel Tan to be my roomie to bitch with every night and to be her maid - waking her up everyday and mothering her. haha!

so we hanged out at my place till 3ish in the morning despite the fact that i had lessons on the next morning and that everyone was tired :) its queer how we still get a high from bitching about the same things in some of our conversations. how we still dislike some, how we boast about our conquest with our friend-nemies. well, im most happy that all the girls love their presents - or so i hope? and i think i do know them well enough to know their different individual unique styles.

and classes begin the next morning. a hectic morning. thankfully i had my dad to push me: to kick me out of bed and to drive me to school. haha! surprisingly daddy has lessons that day too! hehe.. we had lunch together (oh i had yong tau foo, i miss it so!) and we had an awesome father to daughter talk. so usual.. i miss those talks i have with my daddy about my future, how he always plays this father role towards me, inspiring me to push away and work hard to my future career and to always have faith in whatever i wanna do. always giving me advices but never forcing me to follow his advice. like what is it: advice. ultimately i have the final call.

but then, coming back aint necessarily a bed of roses.

my studies - do i have enough time to complete the syllabus? will i start fooling around again? will i give it my best shot? find my motivation again to look at numbers and be passionate about what im doing? its the last 3 papers. but its a way different depth and application method. can i handle it? am i mature enough to do the management paper?

my finances - what job should i take? a part time one at a fashion retail store or? im going to try banana republic tomorrow. hmm im hoping that it works out great and that im able to start work asap. i have to earn my keep asap, start saving money for a new phone. trust me, i feel sick jus walking around town looking at nice clothes. i cant bear to spend my cash on them as i want a phone more desperately than clothes. haha! (with my current figure, of cuz i can afford to lay off frm getting new clothes for now!)

my self development - i havent really had the time to think about how the whole china trip has been for me, things ive done wrong, the right kind of wrong. ever wonder how to handle such emotions towards some situations? have i grown to be a better person or a worse person? or perhaps, a worst person? how am i gonna find myself in such hectic times when time jus keeps slipping away and this time, i cant afford to let it slip away further.

my driving - i want my driving license so badly. and im hoping that my finances can support the increased driving lessons that i'd be needing now that im back since my traffic police test is in november. well, i pray that i have inherited the good genes in my family. esp my daddy's parking skills and that i'd be fine, passing the traffic police test on first attempt. it'd be an awesome birthday gif to myself if i pass it in november :) hehe! i can finally drive myself to the expo for my dec 2007 exams? yes, my exam schedule is hell. and near christmas. which means my christmas shopping would be quite a rush or either slip shod. urgh =x

i feel like a rubber band. expanded beyond its maximum potential. pushing on to test the limits. when will i snap? i have no answer to that. i wished i had though.

dont push it.